My love for you. NOT the best life... More important part of it was meeting you and falling in love with you. Deep deep love! Like falling in a well that's 1000000 ft deep filled with Maryjane! Not being able to get out of it but loving every second of every minute in there! Your love was the depth of the well, the Maryjane was the love you filled my heart up with.
Way before i met you i had met a girl, a girl i liked so much! I gave her anything i possibly could give her. 'till she lied. This whole time of giving her everything and anything, she was lien. She cheated without giving me an explanation of why she did me wrong. Lied to me promising she wouldn't hurt me. I believed her. I was so into her like a kiddo is into cartoons. I was sad and down for quite a bit, but once i got back up on my feet i didn't let, and even said, i was never going to let a girl do me wrong again.
I was mad at the fact that someone could lie so much right in my face. I was angry, i honestly hated females. All i felt like doing was talking to them, getting there hopes up and lien to them. I did that for a while just to get back at ONE girl. ONE girl who i hated and still hate. My dad told me to play the game better. He didn't like seeing me with one girl he wanted his son to have "bitches." He inspired me...
Months passed and i was headed down the wrong path. Drugs, drugs, drugs. Its what kept me going on the daily. Taking them, Selling them, buying them. Nothing could could stop me from that life. I felt on top of everyone, talking to girls and hanging out with my niggas doing nothing but thinking of trouble. I didn't care about what anyone told me. I was doing me.
That was until i met this girl and talked to her like i would talk to any other girl. It was nothing serious. She would text me once in a while. That once in a while turned to everyday, that everyday turned to ALL day. I stayed talking to her but i didn't realize what i was going through and what i was feeling. She was not like the girls i would talk to. She was different. I don't know what about her was though...?
After many months of talking to her she told me something that made my heart open up. It made me feel all "baby like." A feeling that is unexplainable to me. It gave me butterflies and all this good good shit. She said " i think i love you." Those words i will never ever in my life forget them. How she told me out of nowhere was the best part. I had the biggest smile on my face.
After that, we kept us going but i didn't know how to "handle" her. I wasn't ready to fall for anyone. I wasn't suppose to let it happen like that. But she put confidence in me. She promised me she was different and would never in her life hurt me. She wanted a forever with me and she sounded so sure about it. I admit i was so scared to fall for her like that. I wasn't ready but its like she took me to do it. And i did.
I wasn't use to being in a relationship i wasn't ready i guess you can say. I was still talking to girls and stuff like that. I started cheating. I would tell her and she would get hurt but i told her why. I had told her way before how i was and she was OK with it. She promised me to never hurt me and she would be here forever. She gave me her word. I felt bad hurting her, it wasn't what i wanted to do to her :(
I started changing and getting out of the whole drugs. I did alot for her. To make her happy and see her smile. I was in love with her. I dropped my friends for her some of the favorite things i liked doing i had stopped doing them just because i didn't want her mad. I was giving it my all.
There was so many arguments between us. Breaking up, cussing, tears, and getting back with each other by the end of the day. I hated to see her cry i couldn't stand it. I would get over whatever we were arguing about and make her smile. :) I did the best i can to make her stop crying. Her tears made me weak.
After 1 yr and 5 months we got into an argument and i thought it would be just like any argument, but it wasn't. By the time i asked back for her she was already talking to someone else. My heart felt like it was crushing breaking slowly. I thought to myself "its nothing, she is coming back." But it was too late. I asked for her and all she could say was "OK." She wasn't caring what my feelings were going through. She didn't want me. It was and still is the worse feeling ever.
It's been days since she left but the more i try to get over it the more it hurts and I'm reminded of her. It causes me to do wrong and not pay attention in the stupid things I'm doing in life at the moment. I want to give up, and just say "fuck it." But i cant, i promised my dad i would get through this as much as it hurts. These days have been living hell.
For her i now believe in GOD, love, feelings, girls. For her i have changed on who and how i am. But knowing SHES the one that changed me hurts because its something she left behind. I'm someone different because of her. I will not hate her but just keep loving her. Loving her because she is all i have and will be all i need. If one day she decides to come back i will be here, my heart and arms will be open to her. I will not move on but simply just go on.... i love her forever just like i promised her. :)
If only i learned to get over you like you're over me; if only i could keep living my normal life. I was a fool on falling in love with you and believing your lies and facing the consequences of; having no friends having no love having no one to turn to and talk to because all of this was YOU! Put into one thing. My life, my best friend, my mom and dad, my future, my EVERYTHING! What went wrong..... :'(