http://adai.uw.edu/marijuana/factsheets/reproduction.htm
Made me do research but this is a quick last minute website i came across...
Nobody's PERFECT!
Nobody is perfect. Man oh man how I wish I was NOBODY. ;) Hehehehehehehehehehehehe. I've made mistakes and I won't stop can't stop. I'm still learning. I'm trying HARD to be the best I can be.
CONFUSED...
Know many "men" (only calling them men because they aren't teens anymore and should already be MEN) who have money for drugs (and YES drugs can be anything from marijuana, pills, coke, shoes, clothes, hats, cars, ETC) but can't provide not even diapers or milk formula for their kids. It's such a sad world we're living in. All the MEN making us real men look bad. I know one thing though, when my baby girl is born everything I have and will have will be for her! YOU UNDA SHMELL ME?
Dont judge a book by its cover...
Miguel Alvarez Murry, I am 21 years young and still adding to that. Mixed African American and Mexican American, but am identified more into the African culture rather than with the Mexican. Born and raised in Sacramento, California, THE CAPITAL! I dance, write, and help children who are being abused on the daily. IM about it.
i WRITE to let myself out. I dont trust people. Wana judge me? Go ahead... Ive been through more words than "youre gay, get a life, youre stupid, ETC." Im a good speller in reality. lol internet just fucks some of us over at times. LMAO!
Wishes
Dont u just wish heaven had a phone? Dont u wish God warned you before he took some people with him? Dont u wish there was more people on earth u could depend on? Dont u wish u left earth at times? come back with the same people your STRONG with...yeah. i wish many things. But wishes are all i got i guess. God wont answer me. but i pray every night for him to keep me strong. and for him to tell my parents to guide me thru the right path... one can only be so strong mentally and emotionally... physically? i dont care.... id rather be beat everyday for the rest of my life than always think about the next day. what am i gone eat. what ima wear. what if i lose my job. my bills. what will i tell nathan if i fuck up ONCE in life and how good of a parent will i be to my unborn child. Shit stresses me out. i get worried. i get sad and upset... that all these people have everything i WISH i could of had. im in this game on my own. i was FORCED to enter it once my pops left. I didnt know shit about anything but drugs. i learned from the streets. got educated and saw wat life was about. i was scared. i STILL AM! but where im at now is NOT where i wanna be. im aiming for something thatll make my parents proud. i will do this on my own. no matter how hard my struggle will be... IM a MAN. i gotta make it. i WILL make it.... just lemme see my parents ONE last time.....
bored ?
I'm... bored. I'm...bored. yeah, this hospital is ugly and Nathan is asleep and fuck its boring. waaahhhh :(
I HATE WEED!
Another blog, another post, another day of writing about whats in my journal.
Lately MARIJUANA has just taken over me. My dad left cause of drugs, ok? So i just want to know why the fuck im sitting here smoking. It does me no good, it does Nathan no good, it does everyone who is around me NO GOOD! So what the fuck? I wonder why i cant stop. One day soon and slowly i know i will. I have goals, goals to meet, reach, accomplish. Im slowly getting to them. Ha! PORNSTAR? I swear these bitches just dont know though. I'll be honest, i have 4 videos. Which are my favorite i've seen. NO LIE! CLEAN dirty S-E-X is THE SHIT! ;) Nothing caught. 9 inches feels like a whole foot to these bitches. HAHAHA! Anyways, I HATE WEED!
The reason...
I'm not a hater, I’m not a hypocrite, or anything like that. I’m against drugs for one REAL GOOD reason. I hate seeing people, WOMEN, especially smoking, popping pills, and all that “good good” shit. Yeah when I was younger I was on all that all the time. I did some stupid shit; honestly, all the times I was high felt so well but in reality they were the worse times of my life. I didn’t know who I was because all I needed was drugs. I didn’t want anything else. My dad would be out, of course slanging. And I joined him, so whenever I needed to re-up I would come to him. Until one night I came home and my dad was not home. I called him more than enough times and he would just not answer. I called his friend up, and he told me he went to pick up his money. So I waited and waited until the clock hit 4am. Where was my dad? I got a phone call from my dad’s friend and I had a feeling inside it was something bad. He told me my dad had gotten stabbed by the nigga who owed him money. I rushed to the hospital, and I wasn’t able to see my dad until later that day. When I finally was able to see him he was pale, and couldn’t talk all that much. He told me, and I still can hear the words he told me. “Stop using drugs son, I don’t want you to end up like me.” I had to get out of the room for the nurses can do a checkup. Talking to the doctors they were saying he needed blood donated to. No one there was his type and by the time I went back in to see him he was asleep. I went out to get something to eat and when I came back, my dad’s friends was balling his eyes out. My heart dropped and it felt like my whole world froze, I knew my dad didn’t make it. That moment felt like I was dreaming, I wanted to wake up. I didn’t want to put anything in my head. But my dad’s friend told me and I could swear I was not all there. I did not cry, talk, anything. Until 5 minutes later. My dad was REALLY gone…. Over some piece of shit drugs that aren’t worth shit.
WOMP,
On the road to success. This girl last night asked "Let's moke?" What the fuck is "MOKE?" Oh, please tell me what kind of language you're speaking. I honestly think your retarded! I looked at her and said, "naw, i'm coo," Bitch wants to get buck and say I'm no fun cause i don't want to MOKE with her. OH MY GOODNESS, this world had changed.... I'm sorry i don't MOKE. Lol :-)
Confused...
I don't know whether to be full of happiness or upset. Everyone deserves to be happy and to be smiling, but not forced to. I wonder why girls go with the guy that hurts them. And the guy that actually wants to treat them right is being pushed away. I am lost, lost in my own feelings. I'm not knowing what feelings are good and which are bad. I guess going through it causes me to not function properly. It makes me think of the past too much, something I should leave behind. But its hard to let go of something the means so much to you, or forget someone who once made a change in your life. I honestly don't even know why feelings exist. But when I'm happy and full of joy I LOVE that they do exist. The world may never know what a person is going through but themselves. I hold no grudges, and I talk to everyone regardless the situation we went through. They could have harmed my family but God says forget and forgive. I need to learn how to forget some of my own past... One day ill be happy for everything that life has put me through to be where I'm at... My life should go on.
How can i love you
i guess i learned my lesson its depressing but its something its a picture of anotha nigga kissin on ya woman, i wudda been in yo life if i cud but i cuddnt see i shuddnt be concerned i get wat i deserve now she fukkn wit a sukka well atleast dats wat i heard. She be thinkn bout him while im thinkn bout her wen i tell her i love her i mean every single word, she in love wit sumbody else but it really hurt wen she told me i was always da 1st... -Taj-He-Spitz
These days
These days feel like it's been million of years. The pain doesnt leave me, it follows me everywhere i go. It's crazy how you tell me something but when it happens it's like you hate me. All these feelings rushing me at once. They are uncontrolable and it's killing me slowly. Days without you guys is crazy, no one to talk to about the lil' things in life. I miss both of you as much as i missed my blanket i slept with when i was 3 years old. Not being able to sleep without asking myself why and how this happened. Truth is... living every second of life is hard.
P.s- It's mothers day today and this is the 1st year without you here, it sucks that you're not here though. This year mothers day could of been one of the most amazing mothers day ever! Only cause of your 2 sons :) i thought back to when you and i didn't get along. :/ REGRET! But like you always told me regretting something after it's done is not a mistake it's something you did on purpose. I miss you lady manda! Very fuckin tuff!!! i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu :)
P.s- It's mothers day today and this is the 1st year without you here, it sucks that you're not here though. This year mothers day could of been one of the most amazing mothers day ever! Only cause of your 2 sons :) i thought back to when you and i didn't get along. :/ REGRET! But like you always told me regretting something after it's done is not a mistake it's something you did on purpose. I miss you lady manda! Very fuckin tuff!!! i love youuuuuuuuuuuuuu :)
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